The Napalm Reviews

The concept of EAST OF WEST is really quite brilliant.  During the Civil War, all the tribes of Native Americans joined forces under one leader and took on the Union Army, thus extending the conflict by 20 years, during which American military technology advances so much that they have nukes before the turn of the century.  After that, America becomes the Seven Nations of America: the Union, the Confederacy, the Endless Nation, the Republic of Texas (of course), the Kingdom, the Burning Plain, and the PRA.  In addition, there’s another zone simply called the Armistice at the very center of the country, presumably where the nuke went off, and where the Seven signed their peace treaty.

Fast forward to 2064, and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have showed up to end the world … except Death has gone renegade, apparently pursuing his own agenda.  Holy shit, right?  Now that’s a fucking story!  Hats off to writer Jonathan Hickman for coming up with something so crazy, but there are a few flaws.

First of all, with alternate reality stories, the real fun for a reader is tracing back the history to see at what point it diverges from our own world.  It takes a lot of skill to pull off a such a trick without being obvious, but sadly Hickman doesn’t have the patience for something like that.  Instead, he just tells us.  He does a very good job of telling us, but by doing so, he has robbed his readers of quite a good deal of fun.

Another problem is his theatricality.  Everything is so far over the top that he should be writing Coffin Joe comic books.  Even the dialogue is superheroes-duking-it-out-and-bantering bad.  Remember back in the old days, when just about everything in a narration box had to end with an exclamation mark?  Hickman all but does that.

That also seems to be the problem with the artwork, too.  Nick Dragotta has to exaggerate just about everything, like silent movie actors used to have to do, since they couldn’t talk.  He’s got a good style in his rare moments of restraint, but the simplest gesture turns into a big production in this book.

Despite these overwhelming problems, the story is actually interesting enough to merit a reader’s attention.  It will be very exciting to see where Hickman brings us.

EAST OF WEST #1

Written by Jonathan Hickman

Illustrated by Nick Dragotta

Published by Image

36 pages

$3.50

Take a look at that atrocious cover by Ivan Reis, Joe Prado, and Rod Reis.  Nothing says superhero douchebaggery than that electrifying, grim-faced pose John Constantine has struck.  In fact, if the old Constantine from the Vertigo series had seen this, he would have been disgusted.  It’s not a good start, folks.

How do writers Ray Fawkes and Jeff Lemire fair?  Shockingly, they do a decent job.  It’s not great—it’s not even good—but it’s not bad.  It’s better than one would expect, if one were a die-hard HELLBLAZER fan.

Constantine, a New Yorker in this new vision (though still with roots in the UK), is visited by a friend who is being tortured by visions of a magical artifact called Croydon’s Compass.  It’s a dangerous object that can find any magical resource anyone could want, and Constantine wants to make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.  Using his friend to help him find the compass, he finds himself in the frozen wastes ofNorway, where he must go toe to toe with Sargon the Sorceress, the daughter of the famous Sargon, over who gets the Compass.

For the most part, in Constantine’s inner monologue, Fawkes and Lemire get him right, especially when it comes to the philosophy of magic, that you’re just tricking reality into bending to your will.  Where they falter, however, is by giving Constantine a cause.  Has he done good things in the past?  Sure, but there was always an underlying motivation for it.  Here?  It would seem that he’s the world’s fail-safe against evil.  He views himself as a force of good, acting as a means of dealing with evil sorcerers.  He says that when you trick reality, it’s a cheat, and a cheat always has to pay.  He has decided he’s the guy who makes sure no one takes the cheat too far.  How very altruistic of you, Mr. Constantine.  Or to quote the old incarnation of you, “Oh, bollocks.”

Even if the writers try to make him look nobler than he should be, at least they offer a pretty big caveat that the Constantine of old would have appreciated:  this new John Constantine is a big fan of the greater good, meaning sometimes, you have to sacrifice one good person for the betterment of the world.  Omelets and eggs, you know.  It’s good to see he’s still a bit of a bastard, even though he’s got better intentions this time out.

It’s also good to know that this book has found a great artist in Renato Guedes.  The work may be a bit showy, in a very superhero-ish kind of way, but there’s just the right amount of grime.  All in all, not bad.

This is a far cry from the greatness of HELLBLAZER, but shockingly, it’s not as bad as one might expect.  It shows promise.  It might be worth exploring for a bit.  We’ll see what happens.

P.S.  It’s also great to see Mister E is still kicking around, but in this reality, it would seem that Constantine never met him.  Considering all the awesomeness that happened in THE BOOKS OF MAGIC (and to a lesser degree, in THE TRENCHCOAT BRIGADE), that’s a shame.

CONSTANTINE#1

Written by Ray Fawkes and Jeff Lemire

Illustrated by Renato Guedes

Published by DC Comics

20 pages

$2.99

Avatar Press has a long history with the NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD franchise, and once upon a time, they even had the co-writer of the film, John Russo, penning such adventures.  For the most part, they’re gore-centric, and they have just as much interest in showing off a nice set of titties as they do a glistening string of intestines.  Sometimes they throw in a good story, but more often than not they don’t bother.  One thing is certain:  the artwork is always amazing.

With the latest story arc, we have a great concept:  years after the government finally got a grip on the zombie situation, the undead make a comeback, and they’re now holding Las Vegas under siege.  How do all of these mobsters and tourists deal with such a problem?  Unfortunately, writer David Hine doesn’t have the know-how to consistently make the book good.  You have a 50/50 chance of getting cool shit, and it usually is determined by the quality of characters in each issue.

With this fifth installment, we get the cool shit.  Hine gives us Vic Motherfucking Fargo, also known as Snake Eyes, who made his name playing dice and always winning with, you guessed it, snake eyes.  When we first meet him, he’s hanging out in a shithole with a gun, his loaded dice, a bottle of whiskey, and his girl.  To a guy like him, this is paradise.

Too bad it’s short lived.  He owes the mob a lot of money, and they put the hurt on him not by breaking knees or cutting off fingers, but by finding his ex-wife, chopping off her ear, and threatening to cut the next ear off of one of his kids.  Like any good gambler, Vic has a plan to pay off the mob with money he’s sure he’s going to win in a high stakes poker game.  Of course, that plan encounters a hitch when zombies show up on the Strip … .

The funniest part about all of this is his initial reaction:  yeah, that looks pretty bad down there, but we’re up here, so let’s play some fucking poker.  That’s right, these crazy bastards decided to keep gambling while Vegas comes crashing around their heads.  And they’re not the only ones:  when a couple of tourists on their second honeymoon notice that everyone abandoned their winnings in the casino, they decide to fill up their suitcases with cash rather than figure out how they’re going to survive the zombie horde.

This is what truly puts this story over the top with this issue.  It helps that artist German Erramouspe makes every page look beautiful as all hell.  He gets the essence of this story arc so well it hurts, especially when the mobster’s henchman shoots Vic’s girl in the first few pages.  This is easily the best issue of the miniseries, and it’s almost enough to make you want Hine to abandon the main storyline.  Maybe, just maybe, Vic should have his own book.  But his luck is pretty bad—when the zombies show up, he’s losing the poker game—so he might not make it out of this comic alive.  Hop on board and find out with the rest of us if he survives.

 NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD:  AFTERMATH #5

Written by David Hine

Illustrated by German Erramouspe

Published by Avatar Press

22 pages

$3.99

No one has done more to keep the old Kolchak series alive more than Moonstone.  Too bad they’re not always spot on.  When it comes to their books, you have a 50/50 chance of getting gold.  It’s too bad that the newest issue hits the middle ground.

This time, everyone’s favorite intrepid Cassandra finds himself investigating a group of animal rights activists called APT, or Animals are People Too.  In the process of freeing lab animals being used as test subjects, they discover that the local laboratory is using human/animal hybrids for their experiments, and in an attempt to set them free inadvertently become accessories to murder.

Yes, these creatures go on a killing rampage against those who used them in such nasty ways.  So of course Kolchak finds himself in the middle of this mess, except unlike every time we’ve seen him in action, this time he’s got an arsenal at his disposal.  And!  He’s got a bunch of witnesses.

That’s the problem with this issue.  Moonstone usually has a pretty good feel for Kolchak stories, but this time, they’ve wandered far afield.  Writer Mike Kelly’s story has a lot more in common with ‘Eighties action movies than the original Kolchak series.  Kolchak stories should not include gun battles and explosions.  But never mind the action adventure aspects of this tale; there are a lot of people who know the truth about the matter.  Usually, Kolchak is the last man standing who knows what really happened, or if there’s another survivor, that person is in such a position of power that they can cover everything up.  There are too many loose ends here.

Despite these flaws, Kelly seems to understand the Kolchak aesthetic in other ways.  For example, the journalist’s internal monologue is intact.  You can practically hear Darren McGavin in your head when you read the exposition here.  Not to mention the fact that Kelly makes direct references to the end of the TV series and the end of Kolchak’s association with the city of Chicago.  (Yes, this issue takes place inChicago and the far suburbs, enough to make one reminiscent of the good ol’ days.)

Artist Mark Grammel has a pretty decent feel for what a Kolchak story should look like, but he’s not far enough advanced in his career to make it look really good.  Many of the characters look too stiff, even in moments of action.  The biggest problem, though, is the letterer, Nik Poliwko.  It’s really difficult to read Kolchak’s inner thoughts, because they’re white lettering on a black background.  One has to hold the page about an inch from one’s eyes in order to decipher everything.

Ultimately, this is a good-enough kind of Kolchak story.  The biggest complaint one can lodge against Moonstone of late is the fact that they feel the need to put Kolchak against popular monsters instead of finding original adventures for him to go on.  The hybrids in question were actually the children of Dr. Moreau’s experiments, from the old Wells novel.  Recently, Kolchak has gone against the Frankenstein monster and a bunch of Cthulhu Mythos.  Maybe find something new and different for him to do … ?

 KOLCHAK:  THE NIGHT STALKER AND DR. MOREAU

Written by Mike Kelly

Illustrated by Mark Grammel

Published by Moonstone

60 pages

$5.99

For the past eighteen issues, Joss Whedon’s Angel has been trying to atone for his most recent fuck up:  the murder of Buffy’s mentor and father figure, Rupert Giles.  Joining him on this quest is Faith, who seeks her own redemption.  Over all of that time, we’ve watched them collecting pieces of Giles’s soul, but no one ever suspected that his corpse had already been reanimated, and it was being run by Eyghon, a demon Giles ran into during his rebellious youth.  What a complicated mess, eh?

Things clear up a bit more in this issue as Angel and Faith face off against Eyghon in a battle to the death with a little help from Spike, who is freshly back from wandering outer space with a bunch of cockroach aliens (in what was possibly the worst story arc ever).  Unfortunately for the boys—the “Betty and Veronica of vampires,” as Faith so succinctly puts it—Eyghon has the ability to control demons.  Since all vampires have demons in them, that spells trouble for everyone involved.

It’s all an interesting storyline, but does it live up to the rest of the Buffyverse?  Does it deserve to have Joss Whedon’s name on the cover as “executive producer”?

Writer Christos Gage actually does a very good job of capturing the feel of both Buffy shows, from the witty banter to the awkward battle sequences.  Maybe the witty banter gets a bit out of hand, as in many comic books where titans are battling with each other, but it manages to keep the trademark Whedon tone, especially when it comes to Spike’s dialogue.

The problem with this issue is, it’s a lot of the same-ol’, same ol’.  While we’ve come a long way over the series, the book has fallen into an old familiar pattern.  Yes, Angel and Spike take their shots at each other, just like always.  Angel’s struggling with Angelus, as he is wont to do.  Now that Giles has been thrown into Angel’s body as a third entity, our tragic hero—ever tragic, of course—has gone insane.  Again.

It’s too bad Gage is following the pattern.  It would be nice to see the characters move on to something new.  (But not too new, not like the awful Season 8 Buffy storyline.)  At the very least, artist Rebekah Isaacs makes the book look very good.  It’s not that far from Angel’s IDW days, and it’s not too different from the regular Buffy title.  It’s nothing fancy, but it’s the way these characters should look.

ANGEL & FAITH is a serviceable storyline, and if you’re a fan, you’ll like it.  It’s just that things have been a bit stagnant of late.  It’s still worth reading, just don’t expect too much.

ANGEL & FAITH #19

Written by Christos Gage

Illustrated by Rebekah Isaacs

Published by Dark Horse Comics

22 pages

$2.99

As crazy as it may all seem, all the G.I. Joe books IDW has been doing is a prologue.  That’s right, everything from the death of Cobra Commander to the Cobra Civil War to the Snake-Eyes-must-be-destroyed storyline, all of that has been a lead-up to the new Joe books.  This is the first one of three (next month will bring SPECIAL MISSIONS, and the month after will have THE COBRA FILES), and … wow.

IDW fumbled the ball.  Big time.

First of all, look at that cover.  Have you ever seen anything so ridiculous in your life?  Pro-wrestlers don’t even look like that.  It’s a parody of all things Joe.  Remember, these guys are supposed to be regular people trained to do extraordinary things.  Roadblock looks so muscle-bound in that picture that he can’t possibly be capable of wiping his own ass.

All right, it’s unfair to judge a book by its cover.  Truth be told, artist Steve Kurth isn’t a Liefeld acolyte, so he manages to make the characters look like normal people, which is the best praise that you will find in this book.  How does writer Fred Van Lente fare?

Not good at all.  It starts off on a decent note, in the middle of a firefight with Shipwreck hurt, and his teammates trying to save his life.  It even goes pretty well when the original Joe, Joe Colton, gives official birth to the G.I. Joe anti-terrorist team.  So where does the failure take place?

When Van Lente decides to incorporate the showiness of the original Joe cartoon series.  Rather than continue down the hardened, realistic road that IDW has paved for him, he decides to explain why the original Joe team was so flashy and weird.  And in case you’re interested,Colton essentially says it’s a publicity stunt.

That’s right, Coltoncomes up with the stupid costumes, like Shipwreck’s sailor get-up, to get the team popularity.  Does he stop there?  Nope.  He has fucking TOYS made of his soldiers, so kids can get in on the ground floor of this farce.  And then he starts talking about celebrity Joes.  He doesn’t name names, but it’s clear he’s talking about guys like Sgt. Slaughter and the Fridge.  Here’s one more thing:  Cover Girl is now a former PROJECT RUNWAY model.  And why are all the Joes quipping one-liners at each other now?  Is that how a real war is fought?  Is that how Van Lente sees soldiers in, say, Afghanistan, acting?  Oh!  Here’s another atrocity:  the Joe team is now being shadowed by a “journalist” whose codename is Hashtag.  Really?!

After all the hard work of updating G.I. Joe for the modern world, making the stories more realistic and hard and, sure, gritty, Van Lente has ruined it all by turning it into one big joke.  And while Kurth is a much better artist than the jagoff who did the cover, he still does something that none of the other IDW Joe books has done:  he takes it from the world of realism to the superhero-ish style-is-everything bullshit world.  Want the proof?  Check out the Baroness’s pose in the last panel.  That’s not an assassin, that’s a parody of a supermodel.

If this is what we have to look forward to from the future of IDW Joe books, then it’s time to bow out.  Fuck this shit.

 G.I. JOE #1

Written by Fred Van Lente

Illustrated by Steve Kurth

Published by IDW

22 pages

$3.99

In the new Image book from writer Andy Diggle and artist Jock, we start in a world that resembles the black-and-white environment of CLERKS, but it quickly turns into a story that has more in common with something that might have been written by John D. MacDonald.  A very strange brew, and from the looks of things, it’s going to get even more stranger.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  Meet Jake.  He works at the local comic book shop, where his main concern is geeking out over Alan Moore books and hanging out with Steve, a comics aficionado who is desperately trying to get away from his girlfriend and her hippy protestor friends.  On his way to work one day, Jake finds an abandoned phone while riding his bike through the park.  When he investigates the phone’s contents, maybe hoping a little too much for private, intimate pictures, he is at first disappointed by what looks like boring corporate talk.

And then he finds the pictures of a murdered man.

And then a man claiming to be a detective shows up at the comic book shop, looking for the phone while screwing a silencer onto his gun … .

That’s some pretty heavy shit for a regular guy like Jake, and even he seems to recognize this.  He does something that every one of us would have done:  he goes to the police.  And that’s when things get even weirder.  That’s when the supposedly murdered man shows up, seemingly alive and well.

Diggle has cooked us up a very odd stew, even if he relies on clichés a little too much to get the point of the story across.  The beginning of the issue is bogged down while he tries to prove his geek cred with a Marvelman reference, and then on the very next page, he pays direct homage to Kevin Smith.  It almost feels like padding, because as soon as the action begins, it fucking races by at a breakneck pace.

It helps that Jock is a hell of an artist.  Even if the book had been in color, it would still LOOK like a noir book, like something Brubaker would have written.  In fact, this book looks like it could have been published in Vertigo’s crime line, if they put all four issues in one, that is.

If you enjoy a great mystery, this has it all for you.  Suspense.  Mind-fuckery.  Twists that would confuse a LOST staff writer.  And check out that final panel.  If that doesn’t boggle your mind, there’s something wrong with you.

 SNAPSHOT #1

Written by Andy Diggle

Illustrated by Jock

Published by Image

28 pages

$2.99

Garth Ennis has a new series with Dynamite, and sure enough, it’s a hell of a project.  Then again, who could ever doubt the guy who gave us PREACHER, HITMAN, THE BOYS, and countless other masterpieces, including the best run on HELLBLAZER?

This time out, he’s focusing on a group of super cops known as the Red Team.  When you want to fuck some high-profile criminals up, these are the guys you call in.  They will take on any dirty job, and they will pull it off without a hitch.  What’s the problem with getting a bunch of guys who specialize in efficient violence together?  It’s only a matter of time before they go off the reservation.  All it takes is the right scumbag, and Red Team is off on a mission of their own.

In this case, their scumbag is Clinton Days, a criminal of the lowest form.  Name the crime, and he has committed it, up to and including producing and distributing child pornography.  The straw that breaks the camel’s back, however, is that Days also murdered a narcotics cop that was on loan to Red Team.  This is what prompts Duke, George, Trudy, and Eddie to gather in the backyard and discuss the murder of a suspect over beers and cigarettes.

The story is told from Eddie’s perspective as he’s being interrogated, presumably because Red Team got busted taking the law into their own hands, so we already know how this series is going to end.  What we don’t know is, did the rest of Red Team get killed?  And what, exactly, did they do after they finished with Days?

One can tell that Ennis is still feeling THE BOYS a little bit.  Duke is clearly a Butcher-like figure, and George is reminiscent of Mother’s Milk in many ways, especially his relationship with Duke.  Considering Eddie’s reluctance to get involved, and his perspective on the whole matter, he seems to have a lot in common with Wee Hughie.  As for Trudy, it’s too soon to see if she has the same violent tendencies as the Female, but at this time, we don’t have a Frenchie.  Perhaps that was the cop who was murdered by Days?

Craig Cermak is the perfect artist for this project.  He brings a gritty realism to the story that no one else could have done.  You can feel Eddie’s depression in his eyes.  The disgust on Duke’s face is palpable.  Even the scene where Days is gunned down ruthlessly and without emotion is depicted in a real-world fashion; it’s done without fanfare, almost like a chore.

We can expect great things from this series in the future.  If you loved THE SHIELD, you will thoroughly enjoy this book.  Red Team has Strike Team written all over it.  Best of all, the ride is just beginning.  Hop on now.

 RED TEAM #1

Written by Garth Ennis

Illustrated by Craig Cermak

Published by Dynamite

20 pages

$3.99

When one thinks about Alan Moore’s WATCHMEN, very few people think about Dollar Bill, and with good reason.  Imagine if Captain America didn’t have any superpowers, and he shilled for a bank chain, and you get Dollar Bill.  Very uninspired.  Not only that, but the only reason anyone remembers him is probably from his ignoble death, as depicted in WATCHMEN, as he tries to defend a bank from robbers.  He gets his cape stuck in the door, and as he struggles with it, the robbers gun him down.

Pretty funny, right?  Yeah, it’s a neat little footnote, but does Dollar Bill deserve his own BEFORE WATCHMEN book?  Maybe.  Just maybe.

As a story, this issue doesn’t play for much.  Writer Len Wein is an old fashioned guy, and it shows through here.  Most of the characters are clichés, especially the owners of the bank Dollar Bill shills for.  This quartet of cigar-chomping suits could have walked right off of a political cartoon from the ‘Thirties.

The only thing that stands out at first glance is the homophobia of the time.  Dollar Bill doesn’t want to wear the costume because he doesn’t want anyone thinking he was “queer.”  The guy who auditioned for the role before him says, as he stomps out of the office, “No sane man would ever wear that crazy outfit.  It’d make me look like some kind’a fag.”  Even later on, Dollar Bill thinks that the Silhouette, the only lesbian on the Minutemen team, was a deviant who deserved to be punished for her lifestyle.  While homophobia was definitely in during the ‘Thirties, it did not rear its ugly head in any of the comic books at the time.

However, there is one thing that really makes this a worthwhile read, and it’s the character of William Benjamin Brady, the man who would be Dollar Bill.  His history is nothing fancy.  He’s just another athlete who wound up with a career-wrecking injury who turned his attention to Hollywood.  In fact, all he has is his attractive looks; as a performer, everyone seems to think he sucks.  Somehow, he manages to land a role as the superhero mascot of Nation Bank.  He really does become a star through the commercials and movies he shoots for them.  Yet, when the bankers insist that he try to join the Minutemen, he thinks they’re crazy.  “You do remember I’m only an actor, right?” he tells them.  “Not a real crime-fighter.”

As it turns out, the Minutemen are interested in him, not for the crime-fighting part, but for the publicity.  All he has to do is look like he’s working at the job, and that will be good enough.  Here’s the thing, though:  being a Minuteman is kind of dangerous, and before long, he finds himself in a position where he actually has to fight crime.  Even though he’s scared shitless, he steps up and plays his role for real.  He does this enough to become more than just an actor.  He faked it until he actually became a superhero.

And that’s pretty remarkable.  That’s the basic story of superheroes, right?  To inspire readers to be better people, right?  See this guy, Dollar Bill?  He was just in it for the paycheck, but look at what he managed to do.  If he could do it, a regular guy like you could, too.

Artist Steve Rude does a fine job making the book look like something one might pick off the racks back in the ‘Fifties.  For the most part, the layouts are pretty modern, but everything else is spot on.

Is this book worth reading?  Yes.  You might want to stop reading before you reach the final panel on page 24, since Wein pulls an ugly cheat at that point, something that almost ruins everything that came before it.  (And hey!  The pages are numbered!  Modern comics tend not to do that anymore.)  Even with the dirty trick Wein plays, it’s an engaging and fun read, a great look at a bit player in the tapestry that is WATCHMEN.

BEFORE WATCHMEN:  DOLLAR BILL

Written by Len Wein

Illustrated by Steve Rude

Published by DC Comics

32 pages

$2.99

IDW has a long history of coming up with shitty crossovers, and the idea to throw most of their properties up against the aliens from MARS ATTACKS is a less-than-inspired move.  Seriously, there’s a book in which the aliens take on Popeye.  But if you’ve seen these books on the rack, you’ll notice that IDW does something clever with the covers.

No!  Not the dumb incentive covers!  Forget about MARS ATTACKS/KISS and MARS ATTACKS/JUDGE DREDD!  No, the books seem to be an homage to the original Topps trading cards where MARS ATTACKS first came from.  They even get the corners all ragged and bent, so it looks like a heavily used card.  The back bears a short snippet about the book itself and has a number on it, as if they’re all from a series.

OK, that’s just a gimmick, but it’s still pretty cool, especially since the front and back line up perfectly.  How do they do with the story?

First of all, writer Shane McCarthy makes a strange choice and sets this issue in an alternate version of the cartoon TRANSFORMERS universe.  The dumb wisecracks and the silly battle banter are all present and accounted for.  Hell, artist Matt Frank even makes it look like the cartoon series rather than the IDW comic book.

Just as Optimus Prime defeats Megatron once and for all, the MA aliens show up and set all of the Decepticons free.  The aliens then ratfuck Megatron and trap all of the Transformers together, and there is only one way they can get out of this.  That’s right.  They must put aside their differences, and blah blah blah.  You’ve heard it all before.

But this is the first time that the characters joke about the silliness of it.  That’s right, the one thing that separates this book from all of the other IDW crossovers is the fact that McCarthy and Frank recognize that this is a joke.  All of the others took themselves too seriously.  They tried to tell real stories in an environment where they had no right to succeed.  Self-aware humor is what puts this book over.

For example, remember in the cartoon when Spike wore the stupid yellow boots, and no one ever called him on it?  McCarthy does when a general asks Spike, “Son, what on God’s green earth are you wearing on your feet?”  When Spike replies that he’s an oil rig worker, the general shouts, “See any oil rigs around here, kid?  No?  ‘Cause there aren’t any.  Yellow boots … think it through next time.  Kid’s an idiot … .”

Or how about this one?  Ever wonder why Cosmos transforms into a fucking UFO?  It just doesn’t make any sense, and once again, McCarthy takes his jabs at the franchise.  And let’s face it, the last panel in the book is pretty funny.

If you’re looking for the kind of Transformers stories IDW has been telling of late, then you might not want to pick up this book.  However, if you were a fan of the old cartoon and don’t mind having a few chuckles at its expense, you really should give this one a shot.  At the very least, you’ll be amused.

MARS ATTACKS/TRANSFORMERS

Written by Shane McCarthy

Illustrated by Matt Frank

Published by IDW

22 pages

$3.99